It’s really easy to get caught up in things or lifestyles or images that don’t matter. 

It’s really easy to get caught up in your Instagram feed and it’s color-coordinated layout. 

It’s really easy to get caught up on beautiful and what agency everyone’s from. 

It’s really easy to question yourself. 

But honestly… 

“On one hand who care? & on the other, so what?”

We all get brainwashed into this bullshit society of having to be something or somebody / look a certain way. Reflect a certain something. 

Everyone is so unique and beautiful and everyone has this special kind of art to them that makes them exactly who they are, and its such tragedy that society and false expectations rob so many people of that - including me at times. It’s such a balance - to exist in this world and want nothing to do with it. 

- Peanut Gallery Photographer Notes 

“People Aren’t Motivated By Pain”

I always believed that pain is the mecca of art and that heaviness is the symbol of life… which, I won’t completely deny or else I would be disregarding an entire couple years of art made from heartache. I think pain is relatable, and it makes you feel less alone to hear the stories of others. However, I just read a quote this morning that wow-ed me… “People aren’t motivated by pain. They want to know what love is.” (- Sarah Yip)

 I asked myself if that were true, given my attachment to heartache. I questioned the marches this country has been producing, and I thought to myself, “Is this not motivated by pain?” , and maybe it is… #BlackLivesMatter could definitely be a movement motivated by pain… but maybe these movements and the moments of every day are more motivated by the desire and thirst for universal, national, and neighborly love, acceptance, and equality for simply being here and being human. #thoughtsonatuesday

“We’ve evolved in to a new being with a third limb known as the iPhone… The “I’ll take it down if it doesn’t get enough likes” was of creativity is so massively destructive, because it entirely skips the need for creative growth and boils our creative work down to one, stream-lined, it-always-looks-good style. 

In this generation, you’re only growing as a creative if your likes grow, too. And that’s a problem. 

BUT by pursuing a passion INSTEAD of an outcome, we build a unique version of impact through hard work, time spent and decisions made - not over days, but over months, years, decades & lifetimes. There is no one-size-fits-all-in-one-set-amount-of-time version of impact. 

If you’re just hanging in there, remember that it’s what YOU bring to the table that matters - not what the table brings to you.”

- David Talley / Instagram Post / @_davidtalley

As I’m sitting writing the words of wise men in my notebook about the internet and the platform that seems to rule the path or direction of creativity , I scroll endlessly through faces and done-before art. I scroll in between the paragraphs - not because I’m curious to see what I’ve missed on beloved social media, but because it has become such a bad habit - a sick, unhealthy, addiction. It’s as though we’re searching but how can one search if they don’t really look. 

I found this to be ironic, as I was reading and writing exactly what I should be doing. 

Anyways, enjoy these next two pieces. I commend two brilliant photographers for shedding a light onto feelings that are so hard to put into words. 


June 14, 2015

I feel you in the instruments of songs and the colors of the sun.
I feel you in the first cup of coffee and the sun on a cold day.
I feel you certain people’s hands and I feel you in the curvature of cursive words.
I feel you in black and white and messy hotel rooms and I feel you on a clear and starry night. I feel you in the natural things I never had to learn to love - in the things I never thought about loving. I feel you in the same way I feel those things and that makes you hardly human to me. That makes you simple to love even if you’re not simple at all. 

Trumps story, and our own by Viet Thanh Nguyen

Pre-reading - I came across an article this morning, drinking my coffee,  somewhere in the middle of the New York Times. I think this type of writing is such a rare find. Viet absolutely gave life and empathy on a platform where that is so often lacked. It gave me such a reminder of the way the artists and writers of the world have the chance to encourage positivity and love through what they do best. I hope you enjoy some of these pieces I had such an attachment and resonation with. 

P1 - “Donald Trump won barely, and by the grace of the Electoral College. His voters responded to his call to, “Make America Great Again”, referring to a past when jobs were more plentiful, incomes more stable and politicians more bold. 

That kind of nostalgia is powerful and visceral, but it’s hard to ignore the subtext. America of the golden age, if it ever existed, kept women out of the workplace, segregated and exploited minorities and restricted immigration by race. ”

P2 - “Great literature cannot exist if it is based on hate, fear, division, exclusion, scapegoating or the use of injustice.”

P3 - “Good writers cannot write honestly if they are incapable of imagining what it is that another feels, thinks and sees. Through identifying with characters and people who are nothing like us, through destroying the wall between ourselves and others, the people who love words - both writers and readers - strive to understand others and break down the boundaries that separate us.”

P4 - It’s an ethos summed up by the novelist Colson Whitehead in his acceptance speech at the National Book Award last mont: “Be kind to everybody. Make art. And fight the power.”

P5 - “That’s the choice between building walls and opening hearts. Rather than making America great again, we should help America love again.”

I would give anything to feel right now. 

 There’s these moments where you kind of just sit in your existence. The colors aren’t nearly as magnificent and your chest does nothing but keeps you breathing. The feeling of the world rushing through your veins, whipping around your bones, down your legs, attaching roots to the earth and letting your soul touch the ground just, doesn’t happen. & you wish so desperately it would come back. You wish it would engulf you. But this is the balance of the universe - to appreciate the weight of living, one must go through times where they feel nothing at all. 

Nonetheless… I miss the colors. I miss the feeling that you know this moment will be nostalgia you will feed off of a year from now. I miss the moment of looking at a person, and know that you are sharing a sacred realm that is not of Earth, and you will get high from it, and remember that moment forever - like pouring rain and music - like passionate innocent kisses - like a brief moment of eye contact that will be etched in your memory for as long as you live. It’s a drive on your way to the desert and your hand out the window and knowing that this is what infinite feels like. 

These are the moments you will love, and you will cherish and these are the moments that will keep your heart beating even when you feel nothing at all. 

I don’t want to feel safe. I want to feel inspired. I want to experience the world in which we live, and the things like love, and pain, and human nature that nobody can really understand or explain. I want to dive to the depths of all you cannot see and I want to sit with whatever it is I will feel. & I want to sit in this space with the people I love - to learn together. I want to be presented with uncomfortable situations, because from here I will learn the fastest about who I am - and who we are as people. I want to understand. I want to learn from other’s stories. I want to reflect and do it all over again. I want to stand in the middle of a west coast forest, or Montana space and I want to feel at home there, whenever the world of Humans gets too heavy. I want to constantly be transforming what I believe in, but in order to do so, one must really FEEL the IV’s of life being plugged into our very cores, and our minds, and our hearts and we must feel it pulsate - rhythm after rhythm - and touch with all of the senses we were given. Break me apart. Build me up. Tear me down. Reconstruct me. Make me brilliant. Make me empathetic. Make me direct. Make me unapologetic. Make me so full.

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